Surrounded by joyful people who have come together for a purpose. Powerful messages on the concept of blindness...As he calls people forward to become closer to our Lord and Savior, my heartbeat rises. Anxiety overwhelms me because I know I am one of those people who should be walking up the aisle. But for some reason my feet won't move. Once again I am fighting myself and the very reason I came into the house of the Lord. I told myself the night before I was going to walk that line and give myself to him, but here I am retracting like a coward. Stop worrying how others may see you by walking up there. They too are flawed.
As I take a deep breath, I remember His words. "Whoever denies me before men, I will also deny before my Father who is in heaven." Social judgment and criticism was the last thing I needed to fear. I can hear him still calling for people to come forward. I become consumed with emotion as I turn towards the aisle. All eyes were watching me but everything and everyone start to fade away. I see nothing else but that alter. My eyes are heavy; my tears call to you. This burden I will fight no more.
Though this was a great moment for me, I found myself quiet for some odd reason afterwards. So many thoughts were rambling through my mind. What do I do next? What does he have in store for me? What is my true purpose in life? How can I truly dedicate my life to Christ? After service, I felt like I was back where I left off. Before that walk. I could not force myself to interact much like usual. Something was in the way. Though I had an idea, I did not want to spoil the last hour before I took the long bus ride back to campus. So I just put on a smile and once again prayed that those conflicting emotions go away.
No comments:
Post a Comment