The Gateway

Dressed in all white I have developed enough courage to end this fight. Standing there in your black armor, I can feel your preconceived and misjudged thoughts of me. You words spit out as poisonous venom, and has left several open wounds. You dare not apologize because then it makes you weak and you are just too prideful for that.I finally figured out what was wrong. The reason why I would allow this one little situation get the best of me and have me to reconsider my trust in loyalty and friendship. It was you. You were the access to the man I have come to fall in love with. You were the access to people who I now consider a second family. You were the influence to my spiritual journey. Those things I cherish dearly and out of all people, for some reason, you were chosen to be the gateway.Yet you are also the one I feel less connected to. I will admit it took me forever to come into acceptance of this because I did not want to believe a being so emotionless, angry, and stubborn could have such a strong impact on my life. As I draw my sword, you grasp tightly to yours. The irony of this all is that we are both trying to build a closer relationship with our King yet we are standing here in the mist of evil doings.

As I look at you, your demeanor has not changed.  After much anticipation, I retract and submit to my inner guilt. I cannot do this. I care too much and I have come too far to let this conflict go on. You can have this sword, you can have this victory. I want no more of it. Now what irritates me is that every time a situation comes to this, it is I who has to be the bigger person and try to make amends. As I walk away you still hold on to your sword and your pride. For someone who is afraid to get close and attached to people who hold him dear to their heart, I still loved your friendship.  I must say, while standing there in disappointment with your actions, I still saw the same role model and fellowship in those hurting eyes I saw years ago. Though I appreciate what I have in my life now, I refuse to continue with this confusion or hate in my heart. If it is best you go your way and I go mine then I am fine with that. All I ask is that when you make your decision, stick with it so I can have some peace of mind.